i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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