But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
