I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize