I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
