I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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