dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
