Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
