My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The power of my boobs compel you
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
