Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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