you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
