I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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