Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
