READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
