So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He better not be in your backpack
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
