I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
