she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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