So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
