I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
