My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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