We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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