I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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