dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
