Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
