I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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