bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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