there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
