I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
