I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
