I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
