Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize