He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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