i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
