i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Randomize