he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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