I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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