I'm jealous of your bromance
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
