you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
