There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
