Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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