it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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