so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I puked a lego.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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