my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
