Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
