I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
