i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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