it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
