The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
