we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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