doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
