the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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