Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
