i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
