Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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