He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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