why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
