Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
