Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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