There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
