Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
from now on my penis is your penis
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
