Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
