so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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