I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize