No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
