somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
