you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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