Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
