From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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