I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
