so that wasnt chicken after all
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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