oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
