Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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