wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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