Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
