One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
