no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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