and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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