I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
