:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
