Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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