Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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