mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize