I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
