I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
