Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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