Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize