We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
