nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
