the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
