plz talk dirty to me
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
