Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
