Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
