man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
