Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
