Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
