i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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