in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
