were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
