my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I need to align my fucking chakras
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
