I'm so fucking centered right now
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
