Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
