Cold hands, warm shart.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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