shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
