Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize