I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
