i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
