what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize