After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
