oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
