party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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